it was the perfect lie.

i cant explain what happened.

2005-12-10T04:10:51Z

sooo this is one of my random updates. i hate lj but i awalys feel like i have this obligation to wrtie in it.

im ready to leave. im ready to get of this place that i call home. ive realized so much shit since summer. ive changed so much and im proud of some of the changes that ive made. im starting to realize more and more each day that u cant count on everyone. they might say one thing to u ..and then with in like 24 of saying that something else will happen to prove that they didnt really mean it. im sick of how fake ppl are. like serisouly ppl in this world need to get there own identity. be ur own person. dont look at some one and be like "i wish i was like them.." u wont get anywhere in life if u act like someone else. ive come to the conclusion that family actualy helps. for the longest time i would push them away.

im ready to get out of here. its time for me to find some thing new and exiciting. michigan just aint doing it for me anymore.

i need a differernt location with different people.

caribou_lover14 @ 2005-11-28T21:30:00

2005-11-29T02:40:08Z

i open my eyes
i try to see but im blinded by the white light
i cant remember how
i cant remember why
im lying here tonight

and i cant stand the pain
and i cant make it go away
no i cant stand the pain

how could this happen to me
ive made my mistakes
ive got no where to run
the night goes on
as im fading away
im sick of this life
i just wanna scream
how could this happen to me

everybodys screaming
i try to make a sound but no one {hears} me
im slipping off the edge
im hanging by a thread
i wanna start this over again

so I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
and i cant explain what happened
and I cant erase the things that I’ve done
no I cant

how could this happen to me
i made my mistakes
ive got no where to run
the night goes on
as im fading away
im sick of this life
i just wanna scream
how could this happen to me

i made my mistakes
ive got no where to run
the night goes on
as Im fading away
im sick of this life
i just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

did we make a big mistake?

2005-11-19T20:56:45Z

ok well. friday night = crazy. end of story.

so schools going ok....my parents think i should be doing better but im trying my hardest so thats what they get...ive come to the conculsion that my parents are crazy. but whos parents arnt?

i cant wait for summer. lol..its sooooo far away YET soooo close.

im sick of everything thats going on

people just need to mind there own fucking business.

the talking..the staring..do u honestly feel like u need to spend ur time talking about me?

seriously. get a life and just stop. ur all lame.

k thanks.

kel

i hate not knowing whats going on. i hate knowing that i could possibly get hurt.

are we in a wind storm?

2005-11-14T02:34:52Z

mmmmm. so today..i had to work at 9....wow. thats was soooo hard to get up after going to bed at freaking 3 in the am. but whatever i did it and i made it thru the whole day. but ill add that i work with dumb and dumber. honestly now..our owner and managers want us to be "fast" and friendly when we're doing drive thru....but thats not possible working with them . im ready to just punch them and be like HELLO!. soo then after work i came home and started doing my hwk....it took me like a hour plus JUST to finish math. im a slow worker. but i finished and now im happy

so this whole grounding thing is just a laugh to me now. my mom is crazy. she never stays on what she says cuz she realizes after a while that she cant control me . "ur grounded for a month, nothing but school and work".....so ask me what i did this weekend...WENT OUT.!? what explain that one to me. im grounded yet i can still go out.....hmm. i got my liscense back tho. so thats a GOOD sign :-)

so lets see....this weekend my mom let me drive on friday so naturally me and morgan hit up hercules cuz we were hungry.....got our yummy salads..then drove around......then hit up DQ where we saw jared josh steve paul and so we just talked to them for a lil...then evan called and we hung out with evan ican michael....then some ppl showed up later.....we all left....then me and morgan came back to my house and evan michael and ivan came back over for a lil....i made chicken noodle soup with WILD rice for miss morgan. haha. .....so then saturday i worked....came home and showered and stuff....then morgan calls and shes like what are u doing...and im like CHEM. im so lame. so i went over to morgans..her friend tiffany was thurrr..its crazy...me and tiffany have talked to each other before but not knowing who each other were.....and i also found out that me and morgan are like long lost friends. its weirrd.

this weekend was good. akward at times...but i love being akward. it entertains me.

state next saturday! yay get to see the bruder! :-)

peace.

am i just supposed to sit and wait?...im so lost.....and every time i think bout it...i just get a lil more confused.

whatttttt the fuck?!

2005-11-09T03:32:30Z

no school today. yay.

so i thought i was grounded cuz of my one bad grade and the speeding ticket i got...but i thought wrong. my mom was like no where but school and work for a month. and then today when i asked to go out to dinner she was like as long as some else drives go ahead. i was like WHAT?!..oh they took my liscense away but im thinking im gonna get that back since i gotta get to work some how. my mom is sooooooo gay. i cant stand living with her sometimes.

im so confused. i dont know how to feel. i feel like i have nothing. i dont like this feeling. i want something so badly but i dont think its gonna happen the way i want it to. i dont wanna push things. i just want it to happen .... but sometimes i can be so impaitent. sdkansdkfjaslkdjfalksdjfklblahhhhhhhh

caribou_lover14 @ 2005-11-07T18:20:00

2005-11-07T23:26:41Z

go me! i fucked it up once again. i cant believe how fucking retarded i am.

im grounded. probably forever.

call me at my house PLEASE

248-489-5924

or IM me: basketball001239

i didnt steal ur boyfriend

2005-11-05T05:01:54Z

RAVE..what?! more like wanna be rave. but cool fog and glow sticks and lights.

so tonight me morgan and danielle went out...went to louis house .....eh that was lame. then we left and went to some kids house but ryan called me and was like come over......so i did..must say it was alllll north ppl..but still lotta fun. jon was thur. it was like OMG HEY?..kinda surprised...my leg kinda hurts....i missed a step going down stairs and landed on my leg. laura and liz and kelsey and angie and all of them were there. aww it was kinda akward for me and laura for a minute but once the rave music started it was allllll good...josh stole my keys and took the jeep for a joy ride. alllmost killed me. then we all just chilled in the lawn for like an hour....me and morgan were fighting..i threw that bitch down ..haha ...tonight was an over all goooooood night. must say that hanging with morgan and danielle always turns into an interesting night.

im so confused. i really just want things to go slow and not move faster. i dont want help from anyone cuz i dont want things to get screwed up. i just want things to happen. i dont want to get pushed into something if its not going to happen. things take time to deveolope.

fuck

2005-11-01T21:59:56Z

how i always end up fucking things over for my self is amazing. i cant believe how fucking stupid i am and how this totally screws me over. FUCK

the summer air reminds me of...

2005-11-01T02:25:38Z

im not sure how to express how i feel inside. i feel different ....like i dont have anyone that could understand how i feel. its not really a bad feeling..just weird. im kinda drifting away from some ppl and getting closer to others. changing is a good word. im not sure how much i like it tho.. i want to go back to the simple days when nothing was supposed to bother u.. i think thats my problem. i let things get to me ....but i try and blow them off but some how me trying doesnt do much...another good word is regret. some things i would say that i wish i could do them over but i dont really regret them. i just wish i wouldve done them a little differently..they were good learning lessons but i guess i thats what mistakes are for..learning lessons in life. eh

im done trying to please everyone. ur opion doesnt matter to me. u can say what u want. see how ill react.

wed be burnin

2005-10-31T03:39:07Z

wellll.

friday night. went to the football game...we lost. who cares?. had super fun with andrea and claire and of course stacii...got some wendys before the game..then got our seats and it was all screaming from that point on...saw jon and talked to him for a lil....then we were gonna try and see if we could find some ppl that went to western on thur side but we decided not to get beat up and left that mission behind...so then after we went to .....of course where else.....bk lounge. and got some FREE..yes. FREE food. then some ppl walked in and left so we followed them to sleven.....interesting time. so then we just drove round and then all went our separt ways....soooo then saturday woke up and kelsey picked me up for the PACT thing....waste of 4 hours of my life...then i came home ...went tanning then showered....got subway for my grandma and mom and then went to workkkk......then saturday night me and andrea went to denys and ate fooood and chatted for a while. it was nice.

so then today i went to church with miss stacii then we got our much needed pancakes from hercules! then kmart and home depot?..what. yay hard hats! hahaha....then did some other stufff....then visisted andrea at work and then went off to work my self.

work was amazingly BORING but fun?.,..cuz i love throwing ketchup packets into the trash can and telling ppl that we ran out of cheese..ppl are sooooo stupid sometimes. haha ..serisouly..u CANT run out of cheese at a place that makes cheese burgers!....so then i got home like a half hour ago and now im here.

sooo school's OK. not the best. i think i could do better but yeah. i dont care.

meh. kel

ive been tagged.

2005-10-20T20:55:19Z

ALRIGHT. so laura tagged me

here goes:

List 10 things that make u happy and then tag 6 more of your friends:

(not in any specific order)

1. florida

2. having random nights with stacii

3. going into the weekend not having any homework and not having to work

4. MELENA!. i love that slut and miss her like crazy.

5. ALE. of course her! ..shes the head slut!

6. hanging out with all my friends and not caring about anything going on

7. driving and not knowing where ur going.

8. being a kid.

9.pop.

10. my grandparents ..i love them.

meh . i hope thats good enough. i dont really know who to tag since like everyone has already been tagged soooo EVERYONE?. hm.

so im at the library right now. i hate schoool. im TRYING to type my yoga pose book but its not really working....tomorrow after school..going up to state for family weekend. SUPER excited i get to see the slut and the bruder. i miss them . i miss my brother.

aaaaaaaaaaaah . i gotta finish

later. .

i want u THAt bad.

2005-10-15T02:56:39Z

so today turned out to be pretty good. school wasnt to bad...best part of the day...3rd hour yoga stacii and kelsey. hilarious. no more sugar kelsey ok?...haha..im sure callahan isnt gonna like all the nerds on the ground. oops. so the rest of the day went by pretty fast. chem was that bad. morgan made me laugh so it was allllllll goood. found out some stuff during lunch that was goood...novles. WOW. sex in a novles class..who would thunk it. then after school i came home ...went out for a lil with stacii then headed to work. it was ACUTALLY fun tonight. i enjoy it. got my pay check...a whole 84 dollars. high roller bitches. haha..i wish i was out right now but its not a big deal cuz its like the first friday night where i havent done anything and i kinda like it. i might even do some hw tonight....haha.

thats enough. <3 kel

things are starting to look better. and im hapy bout that. im happy we talked.

anger.

2005-10-12T01:14:59Z

i CANT stand stupid people. why do u have to be so fucking stupid.

so sorry.

2005-10-10T18:57:53Z

lets start with this: i am SOOOO sorry for what happened. i feel so bad and i wanna help but i feel like theres really nothing for me to do to make this situation better. i am so sorry.

alright..so friday night=homecoming game. AMAZING. had a great time. then went to burger king and chilled there for a while with some friends..gotta love the free food. then went home. saturday woke up..did some stuff..showered and got ready for homecoming. the night was looking soooooo good. then went to sarahs house for pictures. EVERYONE LOOKED AMAZING. then some of us left and went out to dinner. hercules of course. saw mr. jones there..sooo funny. theen we left and went back to sarahs where we chilled and then left for the dance. SO MUCH FUN. i loved it. i love just dancing for like 3 hours straight and not caring about anything. the dance its self was soo much fun for me..after the dance tho. that turned a lil crazy and thats all im gonna say bout that.

so other then that. this weekend has been long and im so done with it. i ready for something new. im ready for spring break . or atleast summer.

yea boi!

2005-10-08T04:10:29Z

so . homecoming game was tonight. YEAH RAIDERS! . we won. of course. haha ..i love it. its the first game that i ACTUALLY went to since i wasnt working or had something else to do. amazing game. sooo freaking cold but had a good time.tailgating before the game was fun....i just wanted a fucking hot dog. is that so hard to ask?..what grade are u in?..junior..BACK OF THE LINe. fuck u.

JUNIORS 2007 bitches. we DONT bow down.

soo.then me kacey and tracy and stacii all left and just chilled at burger king for like 2 hours or something like that and morgan and danielle and there friend steve showed up and we all partyed up thur. got SO MUCH free food. i love when wes works. he doesnt care what i take.had some REALLY crazy conversations with my manager. like the kinds of conversation that u DONT want to know. funny..but not wanted info. sooo then everyone left and me and stacii just drove around for a lil...had a talk...then i dropped her off and now im here. finally i got everything figured out for homecoming and i think im actually going to enjoy the ppl im going with. atleast this year stacii is going with me so i know ill have fun with her. i can say..honestly..that i am SO FREAKING EXCITED for homecoming. i love my dress..i just hope it fits. i think my dress is haunted...i dont think it likes me ..im just ready to just dance the night away. thats basically all im looking forward to..and maybe the after party. that should be fun.

i think im a jealous person. i dont want to be jealous. i dont think there really is a NEED to be jealous in this situation....but i have this feeling and the only way i can describe it as is jealousy. i dont like it.

i like him. :-).

if u never talk to me again. id be the happiest person alive

2005-10-07T01:55:17Z

its amazing how it only takes one comment to realize that u dont need them in ur life. im over with EVERYTHINg. u dont matter to me anymore. i have deleted u from my life. dont ever try talking to me again.

OMG!

2005-09-27T01:37:01Z

TONIGHT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!! we "sold" ALL of the varsity boys...we raised a TOTAL OF $240!!!!!! HOLY HELL. me and kate are friggen Awesome! ..haha so yeah tonight..we had the auction..and it was sooooo coool im surprised at everyone that came to the game! THANK YOU SO MUCH! ahhhhhhh tonight was so awesome period.

i want you

2005-09-25T20:13:25Z

SO.
homecoming last night. with jon. and SAM of course. AMAZING. had the best time everrr!...the party was was like a short bus but it was fun. haha..955 SUCKS. u assholes didnt put us on the radio..then jumping in COLD ass water at matt's house..in our underwear? WHAT?..so fun..yet cold. my cousin did my make up..i felt SOOOO pretty. and i got my hair did..my hair looked like j-lo's hair..i was likE WHATTTT im not j-lo. but it was soooo cute!

so then i came home and couldnt sleep...soo i layed in bed...woke up this morning and did homework..then took my mom to work so i could use the car....went to caribou..then got my homecoming pic's..then went to the mall to return a dress that i didnt wear..then went up to work and showed off my pics and then came home and now im hearrrr. oh i went to staciis to show the pics to her! aww's i got stickers from them! haha.. yay for coco nutty! ...

OH. friday me and stacii saw ROLL BOUNCE.. iloved it!..i admit..i cried during one part..but it was succh a GREAT movie.

im bored. but i need to start writing a paper. but i hate school. goshhhh.
later dudes.

kel <3

YA'LL BETTER BE THERE ON MONDAY!

how bad do u want him?

2005-09-22T19:36:14Z

DO U WANT TO WIN A SOCCER BOY?

HERES OUR CHANCE.....COME TO THE VARSITY GAME ON MONDAY SEPTEMBER 26 AT 7PM AT FARMINGTON HIGH SCHOOL...THE SOCCER BOY OF YOUR DREAMS WILL BE AUCTIONED OFF..YOU COULD BUY HIM!..HOW BAD DO U WANT HIM? BRING YOUR MONEY. i know u want to.

when u get this boy all u get to do is make a shirt that he will wear the next day at school and u get to give him a flower with a message on it.

ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TO KATRINA AND RITE VICTIMS.

BETTER BE THERE BIATCH :-) do it!

happy sunday?

2005-09-18T23:27:37Z

i miss mel! i want her to come to farmington or i want to go to grand rapids!!. shes like my lil sis..we'll lets just say she is..right mel?..we spent sooo much time together this summer..like 3 weeks..that was sooo much more then last summer. awws meloves her and misses her like mad!

awwws...i miss this!..we had such an amazing time together.

i loves this picture of us..:-) it makes me smile.

so lets see..this week was good..not to bad.. so friday went to the north soccer game with cathy! we got subway before that..had some good bonding time! aw i miss hanging wit her sooo much..then after that i went to panara cuz morgan was thur with danielle..soo amazingly funnnny. then casey, tracy,..n some other ppl showed up..we got kicked out?..they were closing and like locking the doors so we left.....THEN ..i went up ginapolis to meet my parents thur..then eric called and we hung out for a lil..came home and went to bed....then saturday woke up called morgan ...we went to the mall ...she helped me find a homecoming dress! ITS AMAZING! i loves it...then i dropped her off went home.....then changed and headed over to the grandparents house and watched the ending of the most amazing michigan state game..yay for winning!..then i went back and picked morgan up were we went to her friends house and then left and went some where else and then bla hbal bjakldsjfaksdf..then ended up at sarahs house...good times. then today i worked sooo boring..theres this new kid who doesnt know how to do ANYTHING. im gonna kick him one day. then walked over to CVS where i got the car and then went to met my dad at the golf club for dinner.....then left and now im here. next weekend should be amazing..going to st.marys homecoming with mich. and of course sam n mike will be thur..SO EXCITED!

mmmmk im out. must go shower now.

kel

caribou_lover14 @ 2005-09-12T20:43:00

2005-09-13T00:56:31Z

soo..just got home from work...i hate working...but it was hokay today...today was such a longgggg day..i thought it would never end...im getting sick and i felt like shit so that didnt help AND i realized today that i HATE..well more like dislike..the freshmen...im ready to kick all of them.

school isnt THAT bad...my classes are ok..and i think im doing good in all of them so far so we'll see how that goes....

sooo yeaaah..im getting sick and i cant breath.

this weekend was soooo fun..friday me and stacii went to see the exercism of emily rose..i liked it!..she runs and jumps out a window?..wHAT??..then that night we went to a bon fire at sam's boyfriends friends house..it was cool.....he had a HUGE back yard that we all went running and then i proceeded to fall and bruise my leg...all in greeeat fun tho..haha..then saturday spent the whole day at state ..aww me loves my bruder..STATE WON..amazing game!..specially when the fights happened..that was great...then saw the SLUT..lovesu!....got home and did some homework then...got up sunday...went to church with stacii...then went to tim's!..then i had to work at 12....so i work till 5....then did more homework and then showered and slept. and now its monday. mondays suck.

im going to bed. i feel like shittt.

kel <3

nothing better

2005-09-06T02:39:40Z

soo..labor day weekend...OVER. and its back to school....had a flipping awesome time at state! me loves the sluts. always has good times with her!.. STATE won on staruday! yay....got soo mother fucking burned...i have this beater tan...eh..its gonna be gone tho in like....a day...hopefully....got home saturday at like 5.....slept....went to work and got my paycheckkkk........blal blahh blahhhh...then went out with sam and laura...aww such good times!..went and visited stacii..haha we had to leave..we didnt wanna get her fired. love u guys....then sunday .....worked till 5....showered...then went to the movies and saw MARCH OF THE PENGUINS!!!!! OMG OMG OMG I LOVE THAT MOVIE...hahaha im such a kid at heart. aww lol......so then today i woke up....cleaned my rooooom.....did some homework.....went to CVS, borders and best buy..bought postal service..im inlove with them now...theeeenn saw a friend i havent seen in a while and talked to him for a lil....theeenn went to work and worked.....kinda...there was likE NO ONE there..so i did some moreeee homework thats due wednesday..then i got home and painted my nails and talked to stacii....yeaaah so overall had a GOOOOOOOOOOD weekend...

yeaaaaaaah

kel

home again

2005-09-04T03:56:25Z

back from state..had a flippen AWESOME time..aww it was fun see my bruder. soooo then today my parents showed up at like 11 or something like that...and we're like WAKE UP...so then i got out of bed changed and we all went to the football game...im sooooooo fucking burned tho! and the tan line is of my BEATER....god mother fucker...i need to get rid of it..its fucking HORRIBLE...Go STATE! we won! ....yeah so then we left after the game and i slept in the car.i was sooo fucking tired....then i got my pay check...$310.56!!!!!thats fucking HUGE..for me. haha..im so happy bout that!

so then i went to my grandparents house to see the lil slut..awws me loves her!...then came home....had a missed call from laura..so i called her back and she said she was going over to rinke's house....soooo i went over there after eating....then we all went to foutain walk where we met up with her bf and some of his friends...soooo NEVER NEVER NEVER eat the blazin wings sauce...OMG I HAD SOME ..i wanted to die!!! my mouth was serisouly burning for like 10 min and i like spit on EVERYTHINg..sry laura..haha..i almost cried..it was bad...but soooo hilarious!..any wwaaaaay then we left and now im home.

i have to work in the morning..ugh..dont really wanna..im looking for something NEW..and it has to pay well. hm. i dont know

i think im gonna head to bed....i gotta wake up before noon tomorrow...ugh

kel <3

im falling in love with his personality

state!

2005-09-02T15:26:47Z

at state right now! hells yes! al's picked me up yesterday after school..i hate traffic..but we got coffee so it was tight!

so yesterday we went to target to get things for my cousin to help her move into her new apartment with her friends..it was cool..her apartment it flippen AWESOME..its sooo big and all of them have there own bath room n shit..its cool..then we got some dinner and then went to this kids house..had some drinkies..then went to a dorm party..had to walk alllllllllllllllllll the way there..my feet were starting to hurt but it wasnt to bad...then a bunch of us left that and went to a house party....mm..iinteresting night

i was happy when i wentto bed

so im here till saturday night. yay..later loves

goooo...SCHOOL

2005-08-29T01:25:52Z

so ..school started....HOLY HELL ...the freshmen are SOOOOOO SMALL..i can like step on them and im not a very tall person so its soooo funny!....im actaully VERY happy with my classes this year...they dont seem like there going to be toooo hard so im happy...haha..yeah

sooo summer is OVEr and i had a GREAT summer....yeah..thats all that needs to be said.

umm......working sucks...i NEED to find something new. just cuz i hate working with food..i love the ppl and managers and all but the whole working with food and asking "do u want cheese on that?" just aint cutting it for me...i dont know...there has to be something NEW out there?....right?

cant wait for this weekend...4 day weekend.SOOOO HAPPY..going to state thursday night to visit with the SLUT and bruder.....then satruday..FOOT BALL game!...then sunday and monday i have to work....so thats a bummer but eh whateverrr..

PAYDAY this friday....tis gonna be my BIGGEST check....EVERRR! super excited!

what a point less update...i just thought i should do something OTHER then homework.

kel